What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 00:13
He resisted the act ,that day.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
What's the difference between “ce”, “ça”, and “cela”, and when do I use each (French)?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Can ringing in the ears be a sign of spiritual awakening?
One cannot live in the past .
She found it foreign!.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Person arrested after security threat at Sea-Tac, flights halted - MyNorthwest.com
I think the readers, may guess!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
How rough can the ferry passage from Hull to Rotterdam be in the autumn ( at the end of October )?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
If you were president, how would you make America "great again?"
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
How can we become the best humans? How can we trust each other?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
How do you perform a lap dance for your boyfriend or husband?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And i lived it daily.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Was to survive, this bastard.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But ive been too sick for many years..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Who then, do I blame.?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Im still living with it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Would this be the day?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But, we were locked up after school.
I don,t even have a pension.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As i do to all so called friends.?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I waited trembling.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She wouldn,t have been !
I had hoped to write a book about this .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was scared of men, in general
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
This is soul school!.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
All the time i was locked up.
I was 9 years of age.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
It was going to be , some day.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Especially a lifetime of it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
What did i know ?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So, i spoilt her more .
I write beautiful poetry .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But it wasn’t much.
She married twice! .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She loved him until the end.
We all went to grammer schools
When she asked me how she looked .
Comes on , in middle age.
I was seconnd youngest,
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was in good health!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Put me off passion for life!!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He knew the spot.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I will be 64.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
So whats the point in blame.
I have no regrets .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We were not on the streets..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My family never makes their pension either.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I said to her
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was very sick at this time too.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I never cut or harmed myself..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
(And it was in our own minds.)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My life is so biszare .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Ive learnt so much.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!